NZ Herald 28 June 2014
Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I wish what I saw was a normal teen girl’s body and tummy. Clothes that didn’t have to be three sizes bigger. A face that wasn’t puffy from pregnancy fluid and eyes that weren’t outlined with a bruised colour because of endless broken sleeps. I wish I didn’t have to put up with a back that’s constantly aching, feeling nauseous all day, having pinched nerves, needing to pee every five minutes, struggling to keep down food and breathe without getting puffed, just from sitting there watching TV.
Sometimes I wish I could open the cupboard, grab a slice of ham, chuck it on some bread and smother it in mayonnaise. Sometimes, I wish I was just a normal 15-year-old girl still learning how to be responsible for myself, and not for two people. I miss being able to sleep on my tummy, not worry about what I’m eating and whether it will put my child in danger. I miss sitting in a classroom, the sound of many pupils chatting. I miss wearing a uniform, the clunky black shoes, I miss having to get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and packing my bag, catching the bus with friends and gossiping.
I miss teachers. I miss students. I miss homework. I miss being a teenager. I made the decision to grow up too quickly, but I thought it was okay because everybody else was doing it.
I did what the health teacher told me to do. I was with someone I loved more than words could explain; I spent every minute with him that I could. We shared a bond and connection that I had never had with anyone else before. We took a step into the unknown, and that was the day that my life changed forever.
I got used to the stares, the whispering, and the disgusted looks and so on. However, it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. To think that once upon a time, I would’ve been the person to look at a young girl with a mummy tummy and think: “Oh my God … She must have a hard life”.